God's Sense of Humor

by Donna Maynard
(Georgetown, TX , USA)

Dear Friends,

Most who know me well know I am not an early riser...take notice of the time of day this e-mail was sent (six o’clock in the a.m.!). Do you remember the adorable Disney character named Flowers in the movie "Bambi"? If you do, you know I am referring to one of God's creations that is proof He had a sense of humor. Why, oh why, do you think He thought to create such an animal? I know...he had me in mind!!!

At approximately 3:30 a.m. this morning, I got up to make a potty run. My potty room is right next to a door that opens up to our patio. While in "mid-stream", I noticed that I could hear a box fan that someone (the man of the house) had left on. After we had our patio enclosed, he set it up so that it will pull outside air into the patio while he tinkers around out there. Well, being the obsessive personality that I am...I finished my "business", unlocked and opened the back door and stepped out to turn off that fan. Now...normally, Major, my 9 year old Jack Russell terrier, is dreaming about eating a cat right about this time, but he heard that door open and decided he needed to make a potty run too. I knew that as soon as I got my last foot back in bed, he would scratch to come in. So...I decided to just wait on the patio and encourage him to hurry it up.

He had barely stepped out of the patio when I heard his claws peeling out across the deck. For those of you don't own a dog or a deck, this means "critter" alert. I hadn't taken time to turn on a light for fear someone might see me outside in my "nightie", therefore I couldn't see, but my hearing magically made a huge improvement. Whatever he was after wasn't trying to run away, instead Major was frantically circling it right out there on the deck.

Before reading on, remember what I told you about the fan. Within about the 20 seconds or less that it took for me to open that "DERN" door and for Major to get to the deck, an aroma blasted me in the face that words cannot possibly describe. The fan is set to pull air INTO the patio, and I happened to be standing right in front of it...TO TURN IT OFF...remember? Before I even had the chance to reach for the "off" knob, it hit me. Well, I ran for the door which, by the way, I had not completely closed in case a "boogie man" was waiting outside for me. Since I didn't have the chance to turn off the fan, all of that lovely aroma entered the house at the same break-neck speed that I did.

Meanwhile...I raced to awaken the "sleeping dead" in the house. I should have known the response I would get, "What do you want ME to do about it?", but I had to try anyway. Let's just say that I got MY way! What to do next? We couldn't bring the dog in the house like that and apparently the little critter had decided to get under the deck away from the dog. The tenacious terrier that he is, Major wasn't budging, so that meant the varmint was adding insult to injury and kept spraying with Major right above him. The “man of the house” soon found out "what I wanted him to do about it" and got to pick Major up, (snicker, snicker!), and take him to the garage while I made a mad dash to Wal-Mart at 4:00 a.m. to purchase as many gallon cans of tomato juice I could fit in the basket.

I have never been so disgusted in my life. The smell of all that tomato juice combined with skunk was enough to make a grown man cry...and he did! Poor Major! The “man of the house” got to hold the dog down while I doused the dog. We all got soaked with juice because you know what dogs do when they get wet...shake it off.

The juice bath is finished...but a repeat is definitely on the horizon later today. Major wasn't too happy with me since I was in charge of the deed so he decided to sleep between another set of sheets for the remainder of the morning, thank goodness! I used up all the air freshener I could get my hands on in an attempt to cover the lingering stench thanks to the fan pulling all that air inside the patio AND house. However...God's "sense of humor" is still penetrating my nasal passages.

Oh well...it's not like I had anything else to do! Have a "sweet" day!!!

dlyncottn@aol.com